What I don???t want

Early Saturday, I posted about the kind of love that we all need–the only type of love that I desire in this so-called??life: that is, true, Biblical love.?? The past few days I’ve been thinking hard and deep about it, and I just wanna reflect about the kind of love I don’t need, the type that we all should not even want.?? It’s the kind that is fake, deceiving, fading, and doesn’t mean anything.?? some would go as far as calling it the “Greco-Roman myth of romantic love“, or u may prefer calling it lust, or plain evil distractions that steal our attentions from real, Godly, Christ-like????????????????(“a-ha-vah”).??On satruday while I was at Pacific Mall shopping for a new hard drive, I could not help but be distracted by the countless scantily-clad Chinese girls/young ladies??that were out and about revealing plenty of skin.?? Summer is in and since apparently it’s also the 21st century, modesty is out.?? I can run, but I cannot hide from it–it was every where.?? It was distracting, and my mind came to think about what I really wanted in life.Is this love??? Does this all matter??? It often floats my boat, but really, what difference does it make??? Does this immodest present evil age edify me, or my sisters in Christ??? Does it build character, and enhance our relationship with each other or with God??? Does it grow relationships and deepen our friendship??? All the answers were no.?? In fact, it causes destruction and discension, it tears relationships apart, and in turn, makes us hurt each other badly for the rest of our lives.?? To consider this more deeply, look back on Ephesians 5:3-7 and why Paul says there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality or impurity in us.?? *Check out the latter half of John MacArthur’s article about what happens “when love is bad“.And so, I ended up walking around looking at tech toys and chose not to look a second more.?? Who knows, some out there might have even be Christians, and for that I am saddened and pray for them.

“likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness–with good works.”?? (1 Timothy 2:9-10)For a good reflection on this verse, see this post at the Girl Talk blog.

I reflect upon my life and my requirements for my significant other, girlfriend,??wiife, life partner.?? And then I thoughtfully consider the prospect in my life now.??Dark Eyes.?? I admire her so much for her godliness, her fear of the Lord… She cares so little about the earthly things that so many others care about… she’s not materialistic, nor thinks about shopping all the time, nor is tempted & itchy to.?? She doesn’t have her hair dyed in today’s most fashionable colour, nor adornes herself with the latest style and fads.?? She’s modest, and dresses modestly in such a beautiful way, and I praise her for simply that.?? I came to be interested in her from her inner beauty of Christ-like humility, and her skin-deep beauty seems to be a direct overflow of that which is in heart: she’s God and wants to glorify Him in and through her whole being, including what what she wears, how she dresses, what she does/doesn’t do to her body.?? She’s a woman transformed by His grace and seeking to live her life for His glory, and LOL, I fancy that!:-)Saturday night I went to ‘sauga for a CC worship team meeting/debrief at Kat’s place, and we just talked honestly about what happened at CC in terms of our ministry.?? Words flew, tears fell, and many “sorry”s are in order.?? I have to say, I do have disappoint in my heart about how things turned out this year, feeling so helpless about what I could have done to make it better.?? It’s very possible that Satan really didn’t want us to magnify Christ at CC this year, and as such, circumstances weren’t in the right place logistically, various team members weren’t on top of their game, lead worshippers didn’t handle things correctly, and I in turn didn’t respond to all this correctly either.?? I have to apologize for the email I wrote in emotional spite, and I’m sincerely sorry about hurting anybody’s feelings.From this year’s CC, I just know that it is a huge learning experience… I think I made a big mistake a few months ago that I regret and cannot take back.?? It’s evidence that the past still haunts me, that I still have open wounds and scars, that I am damaged, broken, and scary (see Grey’s Anatomy).????As much as I try to completely forget what happened 9months ago, I cannot hide from it, and I’m still trying to let it not hinder my life and day-to-day living.?? I strive to forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead in my upward call in Christ Jesus.?? I push towards keeping it all out of sight and consequently out of mind.?? If it is in God’s will, God will make it happen.. I’ve done all that I can do, I know it and God knows it, and there’s been growing peace in this thankfully.At the end of August 2005, my plans for the future got shattered and I stopped planning.?? But looking into those Dark, pretty Eyes, I have plans… big plans for the future. I’ve begun to plan again, and there is much joy and happiness because of this!?? I need prayers for patience and humility, sincerity.?? May it be that my passionate persistence is doing me less good, then that too then, that my pride may be broken… for being quick to listen and slow to speak.?? To love??a sister sacrificially, as Christ first loved me.I’m not sure if there’s some glitch in my website’s statistics, but to the 800 plus weekly visitors to my site, grace and peace to you from our Lord Jesus Christ, and glory to God our Father.?? I hope this long post would be edifying to you.


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