Between Two Worlds

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I had quite the productive Saturday doing what amounts to nothing in terms of a social life. It was one of the few Saturdays from now until I leave for Louisville that I actually had nothing scheduled — no softball, no ministry responsibilities to attend to, no gatherings with friends planned. I did try to schedule something with some friends, but it never came to fruition. Thus it seems to me, either I am quite boring or I have too many friends who are in relationships.I’ll lean toward the latter đŸ˜‰Sleeping in on Saturday morning, I awoke to my sister preparing salads and baking for her picnic with her boyfriend. My parents were gone for the day since early in the morning, as they went to Blue Mountain with my church’s senior fellowship for a picnic outing. That left me all alone, at home. I honestly should start a Bible study / Prayer group — maybe call it something like “Singles Unite” or have it at Starbucks and call it “St. Arbucks”!I caught up on couple movies I had planned on watching for a while. In the AM I watched the drama, “The Last Kiss”. It was a very powerful look at what it means to turn 30, the responsibilities with marriage, family, children and what it truly means to love somebody — whatever it takes. In the PM I saw the action-suspense thriller “Deja Vu” which depicted a theoretically possible travel-back-in-time machine to examine crimes when they actually happened. Q: “What if you had to tell someone the most important thing in the world, but you knew they’d never believe you?” A: I’d try. In between the films, I cleaned up the mess of a kitchen my sister left, and did two loads of laundry. And after getting my movie filling for the week, I headed over to the Starbucks @ Chapters – Kennedy Commons to finish reading “Doing Things Right In Matters of the Heart”. After finishing the book (a very practical and concise book on biblical manhood and womanhood), I continued writing my send-off speech/sharing over a Tazo Chai Tea Latte.The speech is for Sunday, July 28, where there will be a special service at my church to send me off to seminary. In so far as I know, I am not receiving any financial support from my church — and I don’t blame them — I am committing myself to serving in the Southern Baptist Convention indefinitely, and there is significant secondary doctrinal issues in which I disagree severely with my church and the C&MA. The special service is somewhat of a formality, to keep our faces all smiley and happy looking, even though we all know there is much more than that going on. It just would feel more like my church is actually supportive of me if there was even just one dollar coming from them in support of my theological training.Nevertheless, I love my Jaffray with all my heart. I have great love for my English Pastor and he is a great friend to me — despite our theological differences. My Senior Pastor has been very supportive of me, even though I don’t see him much during the English Service. I’ve gone to Jaffray Alliance since 1988, basically since the second weekend of service, and I love the body here — it is a body that I would live and die for. It has been my spiritual home for almost 20 years, and saying goodbye is difficult and quite bittersweet.I’ve been writing out my speech by hand, so the progress has been slow. My mom tells me to keep it less than the 10 minutes I’ve been allotted, short and sweet (also knowing how there probably will be Cantonese translation). But there is a lot to say it in 10minutes — sharing my call to ministry, thanking friends for their support over the years, explaining why I am going to Southern… all too much to fit into 10minutes but something I still endeavor to do. I guess I’ll just have to speak quickly! But still, I forsee moments where I just want to pause in tears of joy for all the love that Christ has shown me over the past 19 years through this body of believers, coveting for their prayers and support for another 19 plus years of ministry to His church.Why? Because the next 7 weeks before the rest of my life will be hard, very hard. I feel like I’m stuck in between two worlds. The past, and the future. The here, and the there. I know it’s a time of transition, but it feels like everything is in limbo and much is yet to be “concluded” before I leave. There is so much I am leaving behind, mainly people and friendships, and there are many still that I don’t want to leave behind — that I am going to choose not to leave behind. People and relationships that I want to take with me into Southern Seminary, into the SBC, into Louisville, Kentucky, into the great US of A.There are a certain few that no matter where I go, regardless of where God calls me to, I want them there standing by me. And I want them to be beside me while I serve Him. Maybe I am dreaming, or just too idealistic. And maybe this is just one person. God only knows… But to think of the TWO — how it could either be somebody I’ve already met, or somebody in Kentucky that I do not know yet — this unknown freaks me out. What will I do? What would I do?We all make choices.What’s yours?

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