Michael Lawrence (Associate Pastor at CHBC) has published a superb 2-part series at Boundless on the theme of attraction. He addresses some serious issues that I myself have struggled with. It’s been personally convicting, as I have many times wondered why I’m not attracted to her (or her..).Here’s an excerpt from the introduction of part 1:
How many times have I talked to a single guy who wants to get married, only to hear him say that he knows lots of great women? He admits these women have godly characters and fantastic personalities. But he’s not dating any of them. When I ask why not, the reply comes with a sigh. “I’m just not attracted to them.” Pity the single Christian man with high standards and good taste. He can’t help it he’s single. The godly women he knows just aren’t beautiful enough.
What to do? Pastor Lawrence suggests,
So what are you attracted to in a woman? Make a list and then prioritize it. Now do it again and be honest. How many things on your list are matters of mere preference ??? eye color, body type, etc., and how many are qualities that point beyond the woman to the God whose image she reflects ??? character, sense of humor, virtues, etc.? What are your highest priorities? There’s nothing wrong with having physical and personality traits on your list of what makes a woman attractive. In fact, you need to be physically and personally attracted to the woman you marry. If you’re not, marriage won’t provide the kind of protection against sexual sin that Paul speaks of (1 Corinthians 7:1-9).But if the physical or personal is entirely (or mainly) what attracts you and these are your highest priorities, then your problem is not with the women around you. Your problem is with God. The more you are in love with the beauty of Jesus Christ, the more you will be attracted to what you see of Him in the woman you’re dating and the more important it will be to you. The less you love Him, the more important other things about her will become, things like her figure or style.