Sufficiency

Betah El Adonai becall livekha. The Lord is Holy! I never should have doubted him, I never should have stood up to him and question him, how stupid I was. But I was just at the end of my rope, have you ever felt that before, your doing God???s work, you hear his voice and you follow his instructions but you just lose that heart of serving and that Joy you once had. Well I certainly did, I was God???s only trusted servant at the time, no one else really knew Him, I mean he came to me and spoke to me personally, I had a conversation with a burning bush, how many people can say that?! I???m leading my people to the Promised Land just because he told me to do it and I did it with all my heart and never gave up. But here I am, God told me to lead his people to the promised land and you know what he said. He told me he refused to go with us because his people are ???stiffnecked??? ??? he said he would send a angel down to be with us. I couldn???t believe the nerve he had to leave us because the people had some problems, you think I wanted to walk with them either? They were idolators, pagans and generally wicked people, just a while ago I went to talk to the Lord and I was only gone for a while but they turned around to Aaron and said that they wanted to be God???s because they didn???t know where I was. So they created a golden calf as an idol. Well I did everything because God told me to, but I just couldn???t understand why he couldn???t put up with us like I am. Why the God who created us and chose us couldn???t come with us? He said he would send an angel, argh, God was making me mad, I wanted him to come with us and he offers an angel, what good is an angel compared to God? Well I told God this, I said to him ???Who and when are you going to send someone to help me, I cant do this by my own, I mean you know my name, you know exactly who I am and you have chosen me, but really God this Angel cannot take your place. Have I done something to make you mad? Have I not followed your ways and your EVERY command? Why do you do this to me then? If you are pleased with me then show me your ways! Teach me what you want and show me your glory Lord!??? I was just so frustrated with him at the time, I thought all hope was lost so I gave God that ultimatum, looking back on the situation I think I must have had a little too much wine or something or at least I should have been looking out for some lightning bolts from the sky! But God did not get angry at me. He said ???I will go with YOU and I will give you rest.??? It came so softly and so gently, it was so soothing to my ears, I mean im tired and all I want to do these days is rest, take a break from work and put my feet up.. but it took me sometime before I looked at his words more carefully. I realized he said ???I will go with YOU??? so I turn back around and tell him that its not just me, that he has to be with all my people. ???We aint moving until you come with us, promised land? What promised land? You Show us God.??? The lord told me that he will do exactly what I asked of him, and he did. So I was thinking to myself what else will God do for me? What do I really want to see of God, and I think I???m no different then anyone here, so I asked God to ???Show me your glory??? That???s all I really wanted to see, Just to see God in all his might and power and love and spirit and that would make such a difference in my life??? He told me to climb a mountain and all his goodness would pass by me but he told me I cant see his face, it would be too much for me to bear! Im thinking this is great, God doesn???t need to show anything to me, he???s GOD! Granted im a little scared of heights and God keeps on telling me to climb these mountains to do things, I don???t see why he cant come down for once, but that???s ok, and really that???s not the point. The point is that he???s doing it just for me, just because I want to know and feel it and because I asked for it. So I was climbing this mountain and I was just in awe of my surroundings, tree???s that I couldn???t even see the top of, rocks all around me, large rocks that could be considered mountains of their own. It was scarey walking up, I felt so small compared to everything around me, I felt that I could just get lost in here and no one would know. But I reached the top and the lord answered my prayers and came to me there. When I was on the mountain he took his hands and covered my face, he was so comforting, so firm, so loving. It was as if heaven itself surrounded me and protected me, then like a gentle wind he took back his hands and there in front of me was the Lord, ??? he was moving away, but that was the most awesome experience of my life, I felt all of his goodness and love and mercy, and I realized that all my thoughts have been so selfish so petty compared to the bigness of God! I looked around me and suddenly the mountain seemed so small, the rocks and trees all seemed be like grains of salt compared to Him. I realized that I am so small compared to God but I am loved like I am the only person in this land.

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